It’s your first date and that is awkward enough. If you haven’t spilled the coffee or walked into the wall, you are doing well.
And then it happens – the “silent gaps” on your first date.
This isn’t always a sign that things aren’t going well, it is a sign that two people are just meeting for the first time.
Remember that silence can sometimes be OK:
- There should be a comfortable lull after 20 or so minutes of conversation.
- It is OK for someone to take time to think about an answer.
- It is common for people to need a few minutes to get back into the conversation after an interruption (such as a waiter, acquaintance or something loud happening).
Don’t panic when silence hits.
Here are 10 things to talk about that help fill the “silent gaps” on your first date.
1. Talk About –Books, Movies and Shows you liked
Talk about the type of entertainment you like – don’t be broad and general (like “I like action movies), be specific.
Bring up actors, writers, shows and episodes you really enjoy.
Don’t talk about what you didn’t like, keep it positive.
Talk about sequels you want to see and upcoming films; these could become ideas for a second date.
2. Talk About –People who influenced your life
Talk about who influenced you in your life and why.
It doesn’t have to be someone huge like Gandhi, or expected – like your 7th grade teacher.
Talk about who really has made an impact on your life, and what that impact looks like in your life now.
3. Talk About –Your heroes
Back to Gandhi and your 7th grade teacher, talk about your heroes and people who you admire.
Yes, you can even talk about superheroes but explain what it is about them.
Talk about what they inspire you to try and do in your life.
4. Talk About –What you love to do
Talk about what you love to do and are passionate about – but – mind the time.
It is easy to go off on a tangent and talk so much about it that no one else can get a word in.
- Let them see what you are passionate about.
- Don’t go on about it for more than three minutes.
- Don’t immediately ask what their passion is; let that be something they choose to share.
5. Talk About –Where you wish you could go
Dream talk about adventures and vacations can be good, as long as it isn’t presented as something you absolutely have to do or are planning on – that can put people off if they don’t share the same wish.
6. Talk About –A skill you admire
Mention a skill you really admire, whether you have ever tried it or just admire it.
7. Talk About – What you wish everyone could have
Go beyond peace, happiness and enough to live on and talk from your experience about what is good in life.
8. Talk About – Your dream house
Like talking about where you wish you could go, keep this firmly in fantasy land – have fun with it.
9. Talk About – The ideal weekend
Think potential date when you talk about this and keep it simple and open to another person’s input and ideas.
10. Talk About – The change you want to see happen in the world
The last idea for things to talk about to fill the silent gaps on your first date is to talk about the change you want to see happen in the world.
Much like #7, this is a way to share what you have learned from life, what has made you strong and what you wish for everyone – it isn’t about politics or advocacy.