If you really want to fail at online dating then you should treat it like you are applying for a job by using your profile to:
- List the qualifications you have for a relationship
- List the qualifications you are looking for in a person to have a relationship with.
You are guaranteed to fail if you do this.
You should never treat your online dating experience like a job interview in either your profile or your messages with a person who interests you.
A job interview approach implies that you have a role to fill and the person is not that important
When you start sounding like you are trying to prove you are qualified for a relationship, or that you have a list of qualifications you want in someone it comes off as you having a role that you want filled.
Roles, like jobs, are more defined and important than the person in them.
That is one of the harsh truths of life. In any company you work at, the job/role will continue to exist long after you are gone because it is more important than the specific person that is in it at any given time.
In relationships, each person is indispensable because every relationship between two people is unique.
If you are trying to repeat or create something specific, you really aren’t interested in a relationship with another person.
A dating profile is not a list of qualifications for the relationship
A dating profile is a presentation of who you are as a person, and where you would like to go.
It isn’t meant to be a list of qualifications and accomplishments – even of the emotional kind.
Think of it more as a self-portrait that is painted with words.
You are trying to convey an idea of your being, not your specific points.
Yes, you should list some accomplishments – but those are just moments in life that don’t really show you all the dimensions behind the person who achieved that moment.
Dating messages aren’t meant to investigate the person
One thing to watch out for is asking questions in your messages about something that someone has said on their profile that makes it sound like you are trying to find out if it is true.
An oversimplified example of this is saying, “gee, I noticed that you listed an interest in global economic of health care – how would you distribute Ebola monies?”
That is an interview question, it asks a person to demonstrate knowledge and expertise.
That is great if you want to hire a healthcare director, not so good if you are trying to find out if the person you are talking to would be greet to meet.
How to succeed with your online dating experience
While it may be a guaranteed way to fail if you treat your online dating experience like a job interview, it is also the clue to how to succeed.
If you know it is what you should never do, then you should turn it around to learn what you should do:
- Keep it focused on the person, and that includes both of you.
- Ask about likes and hopes, less about wants and haves
- Remember the past is in the past, talk to the present
The one thing missing from most “job interviews” is laughter.
Keep things light and steer the conversation back to the present as quickly as you can as soon as you sense one of you is presenting a list of qualifications.