Knowing what you should and shouldn’t talk about when it comes to your past is hard enough in a relationship, if you haven’t met someone yet it can be even harder.
Here is a brief guide to how much of your past life you should tell her if you haven’t met in person yet, and when it is time to start talking about the past.
The 3 things you shouldn’t talk about until you meet in person
Knowing what you should and shouldn’t talk about when it comes to your past is hard enough, but these are the 3 things you just shouldn’t mention until you meet in person.
- At first this will seem OK, but then the fact that you are telling a stranger who you can’t see – and who can’t see you – to provide for gauging and reading emotions is going to cause problems with communication.
- Getting fired, dishonorable discharges or other loss of social status/income. There are too many questions to be asked that need body language feedback to keep the conversation on good terms to do this with messaging.
- Especially if this is recent, it is a “slap in the face” kind of word. Save this for when there is time in person to talk.
Most of these are mentioned because most of the conversation is going to rely on visual cues from the person and not words.
Emoticons just aren’t going to cut it.
The 3 things you shouldn’t talk about until you have a face to face relationship
As much as you may feel like you are made for each other, there are some things that you need to save talking about until you have a real relationship in the works.
- Don’t talk about your traumatic family upbringing. If it is that bad, then it shouldn’t be something your treat so lightly as to trot it out for strangers. Make sure it is given the respect it is due by only sharing it when there is a strong enough intimacy established.
- Don’t talk about past relationships in detail. In fact, this one can wait for quite some time.
- Don’t talk about any history of drug or alcohol abuse if it is more than 5 years in the past. If it is, and you are still talking about it as if it is the most important thing in your life – it is, and not in a way that is good for a relationship.
The 3 things you should tell her about your past before you meet in person
When it comes to your past there are some things you do have to tell her about if you haven’t met her in person.
These may be hard, but they show that you both have accountability in your life – and respect for her.
- Tell her if you have kids that are living with you.
- Tell her if you are involved in any kind of relationship (separation, divorce, etc.)
- Tell her if you have any kind of past felony record
This last one is very important.
More and more jobs these days require their employee to have background checks and who they keep company with can mean the difference between getting hired, and not getting picked.
She may not be in a position, if she has young children too, to risk this because of custody.
Do the right thing and own up to any felony convictions before you meet to be fair to her.