Online dating can be difficult.
That’s why I’ve put together the BIG guide to online dating for men!
The 3 Main Criteria Women Look for When Analyzing Your Online Dating Profile
Criteria #1 – What and who is in the picture with you?
There are unspoken rules about what can be in a profile picture with you.
Men have gotten a little better idea about what women look for when analyzing their online dating profile pictures thanks to some recent surveys.
What they found were there are some very definite do’s and don’ts when it comes to a man’s profile picture.
- Do show your whole body – as in head to toe, not muscles. Muscles pictures are a big turn off, but whole body pictures let them see more of what you really look like.
- Don’t have pictures with friends in it – men or women. It sends the wrong message to women. If it is your guy friends it will send the message that you are all about your guy-time. If it is a woman friend – that just raises too many questions with uncomfortable answers.
- Don’t take pictures with your pet; it just gives off a weird vibe.
- Don’t post pictures from your fantastic vacation that you took ten years ago. Keep the pictures current.
- Don’t smile too much, women read this as untrustworthy in a picture of a man they do not know (they also perceive a man who smiles in person as more trustworthy).
Criteria #2 – How well is your profile filled out?
One of the big things that women look for when analyzing your online dating profile is how well it is filled out.
This is a tricky area because it has to be filled out “just enough.”
Too much information and you will come across as desperate and needy.
Too little and they will think you aren’t serious, are married, or just want sex.
What they want is a concise answer to the major questions.
Give a little information wherever you can, but don’t be too curt in your answers.
Criteria #3 – What does your profile show you are really looking for?
This is a big one. Lots of times profiles are full of either one of two things –
- The profile is a statement of how wonderful you are, self-sufficient and don’t really need anyone at all.
- It is a laundry list of what you want or don’t want in a woman and relationship that is blatantly based in problems you have had in the past.
You have to make sure that you walk the line in your profile between coming off as confident and self-assured, but also as someone who would love to have more in their life in the nature of a relationship.
Skip the laundry list of wants/don’t wants unless it is based in medical allergies.
You really don’t know what you can or cannot put up with in a relationship until you are in one.
If you are that rigid, you should take your profile down and spend some time in therapy until you get that sorted out.
So what happens when you pass the test?
So now you know what women look for when they are analyzing your online dating profile, so what happens if you pass the test?
You will probably get a short message that then throws the brunt of starting a conversation onto your shoulders.
Take the time to read up about the do’s and don’ts of how to handle the first few online contacts so that you don’t blow your chance after having put all that effort into your profile.
A little research can go a long way to helping you find the right person to find out what else is possible in life.
7 Things To Avoid In Your Profile Unless You Like Being Known As “The Creepy Guy”
Unless you like being known as “the creepy guy,” there are some things you really need to avoid putting in your profile.
Writing a profile is getting to be more and more of an art form.
If you want to get messages, then here are 7 things to avoid in your profile unless you like being known as “the creepy guy.”
1. It’s creepy to mention specific sexual acts
This should be obvious, but unless you are on “that kind of site,” just don’t mention sex at all.
Everyone knows it is a part of adult life and relationships, but don’t come off as having some fetish about something that over-rides the rest of your personality.
2. It’s creepy to mention really specific clothing items
This is related to #1, but talking too specifically about clothing – especially items that you find attractive when other people wear them is just plain creepy.
It begins to bring up old “Criminal Minds” episodes and you don’t want to do that.
It is okay to mention things generically, like preferring a gangster style or a more classic look – just don’t start calling out items.
3. It’s creepy to talk about your childhood
Even just to mention that it was good – don’t do it.
There is no reason an adult would mention their childhood in their online dating profile unless there was some kind of issues there.
4. It’s creepy to mention death
Death is not something you want to bring up before a first date, much less a first message.
Don’t talk about loss that you have had (that can open the door to the codependents), and don’t talk about your beliefs in the afterlife – save that for later.
5. It’s creepy to talk about spiritual/religious experiences
It is sad to say but you want to avoid this in your profile if you don’t want to be known as “the creepy guy.”
Even if you are on a site that is meant for a specific religion – then you all share it – those experiences should be more personal.
To put them out in front suggests an emphasis on YOUR experience that really negates anyone else’s.
6. It’s creepy to talk about zombies.
They were very popular, and now they are old hat. Don’t go on and on about zombies.
Even worse is posting pictures of you in your zombie makeup.
Remember that profiles are about first impressions.
You want to save that one for later, it shouldn’t be up there as the most important thing in your life – even if you are a make-up artist.
7. It’s creepy to talk about weapons.
It is also creepy to post pictures of yourself with weapons.
No matter what your beliefs about them, this is not the day and age to post pictures of yourself with assault rifles on a dating site.
It is OK to mention in passing that you shoot or own weapons, but make it just another small part of all of your interest in life.
Minding the creep-o-meter
If you really want to avoid things in your profile that will get you known as “the creepy guy,” have a friend who is in the same age group as who you are trying to attract read your profile and give you feedback.
They will know your social crowd and what is and is not creepy to them.
This can help you spot things that you should take out before all you hear in your inbox are the crickets of loneliness.
7 Reasons Women Like To Go For Jerks On Online Dating Sites
Ever wonder the reasons why women like to go for jerks on online dating sites?
It might be because they only look like jerks to you.
Reason # 1 – The Jerk isn’t smiling
In all the pictures that the Jerk has online, he isn’t smiling.
He is probably even showing off on the side of a cliff somewhere, clad only in a pair of shorts; or maybe he is lounging in the sand in front of some sunset you know only happens in faraway and expensive places.
So why do women go for the Jerk online who posts pictures like this?
It isn’t because the Jerk is so hot or implying that he is loaded, it’s because:
- He isn’t smiling in his pictures. Women “read” pictures of smiling men as untrustworthy.
- He is showing his full body – not in a sexy way, but in a way that lets a woman get a sense of his real proportions and how he holds himself.
- In all his vacation pictures, he is alone – not with a friend, an unnamed woman, or worst of all – an animal or child. That he is alone lets the woman project herself into the picture.
Reason # 2 – The Jerk talks about who he is and what he wants
He is confident in saying who he is and what he wants – in other words, he isn’t trying to appeal to every woman – just the woman that is going is going to appeal to him.
This is the kind of strength and confidence that is very attractive.
He isn’t boasting or demanding or controlling – it’s just a statement of knowing yourself.
Reason # 3 – The Jerk will say clearly what turns him off
Like Reason #2, the Jerk isn’t trying to win points with everyone and is willing to close some doors to try and help him find what he wants.
The women he ticks off with his list of “thanks, but no thanks,” aren’t who he is looking for anyway.
This scores another point in the confidence category, and scores a new point in the independence one.
Reason # 4 – The Jerk isn’t afraid to list his accomplishments
Accomplishments aren’t something to hide, and listing them matter-of-factly can do a lot to let someone know about your priorities and what you have been doing in your life.
Can it be carried too far?
Yes, it can.
There is a difference between bragging and being rightly proud of what you have done, it is a part of who you are.
Reason # 5 – The Jerk will talk about the good things in his life
The Jerk sounds positive. This is a huge draw for women.
Everyone has problems but usually you try not to show them to people until you have gotten to know them a bit.
Reason # 6 – The Jerk has the attitude of “take it or leave it, it’ll be your loss”
This is the real thing that kills guys when they see women going for the jerks on online dating site.
The guy has this obnoxious “take it or leave it, it’ll be your loss.”
Women aren’t falling for the bad boy here, it is far more complex.
In all the rest of the profile he has been confident, independent and accomplished.
That attitude leaves a small door open for him changing or becoming more open to new things with the right person.
Reason # 7 – The Jerk tends to actually send a message, not just worry about it
Lastly, that overconfident, bragging Jerk that women go for on online dating sites is probably confident enough to send her a message without spending too much time worrying about it – or making it one big apology for existing.
How Much Of Your Past Life Should You Tell Her If You Haven’t’ Met In Person Yet
Knowing what you should and shouldn’t talk about when it comes to your past is hard enough in a relationship, if you haven’t met someone yet it can be even harder.
Here is a brief guide to how much of your past life you should tell her if you haven’t met in person yet, and when it is time to start talking about the past.
The 3 things you shouldn’t talk about until you meet in person
Knowing what you should and shouldn’t talk about when it comes to your past is hard enough, but these are the 3 things you just shouldn’t mention until you meet in person.
- At first this will seem OK, but then the fact that you are telling a stranger who you can’t see – and who can’t see you – to provide for gauging and reading emotions is going to cause problems with communication.
- Getting fired, dishonorable discharges or other loss of social status/income. There are too many questions to be asked that need body language feedback to keep the conversation on good terms to do this with messaging.
- Especially if this is recent, it is a “slap in the face” kind of word. Save this for when there is time in person to talk.
Most of these are mentioned because most of the conversation is going to rely on visual cues from the person and not words.
Emoticons just aren’t going to cut it.
The 3 things you shouldn’t talk about until you have a face to face relationship
As much as you may feel like you are made for each other, there are some things that you need to save talking about until you have a real relationship in the works.
- Don’t talk about your traumatic family upbringing. If it is that bad, then it shouldn’t be something your treat so lightly as to trot it out for strangers. Make sure it is given the respect it is due by only sharing it when there is a strong enough intimacy established.
- Don’t talk about past relationships in detail. In fact, this one can wait for quite some time.
- Don’t talk about any history of drug or alcohol abuse if it is more than 5 years in the past. If it is, and you are still talking about it as if it is the most important thing in your life – it is, and not in a way that is good for a relationship.
The 3 things you should tell her about your past before you meet in person
When it comes to your past there are some things you do have to tell her about if you haven’t met her in person.
These may be hard, but they show that you both have accountability in your life – and respect for her.
- Tell her if you have kids that are living with you.
- Tell her if you are involved in any kind of relationship (separation, divorce, etc.)
- Tell her if you have any kind of past felony record
This last one is very important.
More and more jobs these days require their employee to have background checks and who they keep company with can mean the difference between getting hired, and not getting picked.
She may not be in a position, if she has young children too, to risk this because of custody.
Do the right thing and own up to any felony convictions before you meet to be fair to her.
The 7 Questions You Should Ask Every Woman On A First Date
When you go out with a woman on a first date there are tons of things that you should ask them to get to know them.
Unfortunately, most men choose to ask the questions that will give them a lot of details about the woman’s life, but don’t tell them very much about them as a person at all.
These include questions like:
- How did you wind up doing what you do?
- Do you want kids?
- Where would you love to travel?
- What is your favorite sport or hobby?
These are all fine details, but they are more like a list of items in a room.
You want to get to know the structure and integrity of the house that room is in.
To do this, here are 7 questions you should ask every woman on a first date, and why they are important.
Question #1 – What is their favorite season?
This will tell you a lot about whether a woman is going to be physically active and outgoing, or want to stay more at home.
How she describes her favorite season will give you insight into what she prefers to do.
Question #2 – When was the first movie they remember seeing?
This question tells you a lot about the person.
Usually the first movie you see (and remember as important) will help to shape who you are and what you value as an adult.
Remembering a romance is going to mean quite different things in what a person wants out of life then remembering an action adventure movie.
Question #3 – Who had the greatest influence on them?
This is a great one because it will also start to reveal what she values in life, and her whole sense of work and commitment.
If she was influenced by a traveling gypsy, she will be a free spirit that may shy from putting down roots.
Question #4 – What do they like about people?
This is a very important question.
You want to be with someone who likes other people, and who likes people in general.
This can be a very important indicator of a person’s mental state too.
You can like people, and not want to spend a lot of time around them – but liking people also means you recognize that they are just as valuable as you are – that is very important in a relationship.
Question #5 – What brings them the greatest joy?
Listen to this one, this will tell you much about her.
Is what she describing something that is an action that she does, or an ideal she has?
Question #6 – Who do they admire?
Like the question about who was their greatest influence, this will tell you a lot about the kind of person she is on the inside.
You want to follow this up with finding out what that admiration has prompted her to do or not do in life, that question can bring out a thoughtful and complex answer that will let you get to know her even more.
Question #7 – What would be her ideal second date?
Yes, this is a directly leading question, but if you aren’t asking this of every woman on a first date then it means you don’t want a second date with them.
Women live and breathe by planning and knowing.
This is also the best way to express your interest.
Once you find out what it is, ask her if she would like to do that or something similar.
Don’t ask this question if you don’t want a second date.
10 Things to Talk About – that Help Fill the “Silent Gaps” on Your First Date
It’s your first date and that is awkward enough. If you haven’t spilled the coffee or walked into the wall, you are doing well.
And then it happens – the “silent gaps” on your first date.
This isn’t always a sign that things aren’t going well, it is a sign that two people are just meeting for the first time.
Remember that silence can sometimes be OK:
- There should be a comfortable lull after 20 or so minutes of conversation.
- It is OK for someone to take time to think about an answer.
- It is common for people to need a few minutes to get back into the conversation after an interruption (such as a waiter, acquaintance or something loud happening).
Don’t panic when silence hits.
Here are 10 things to talk about that help fill the “silent gaps” on your first date.
1. Talk About –Books, Movies and Shows you liked
Talk about the type of entertainment you like – don’t be broad and general (like “I like action movies), be specific.
Bring up actors, writers, shows and episodes you really enjoy.
Don’t talk about what you didn’t like, keep it positive.
Talk about sequels you want to see and upcoming films; these could become ideas for a second date.
2. Talk About –People who influenced your life
Talk about who influenced you in your life and why.
It doesn’t have to be someone huge like Gandhi, or expected – like your 7th grade teacher.
Talk about who really has made an impact on your life, and what that impact looks like in your life now.
3. Talk About –Your heroes
Back to Gandhi and your 7th grade teacher, talk about your heroes and people who you admire.
Yes, you can even talk about superheroes but explain what it is about them.
Talk about what they inspire you to try and do in your life.
4. Talk About –What you love to do
Talk about what you love to do and are passionate about – but – mind the time.
It is easy to go off on a tangent and talk so much about it that no one else can get a word in.
- Let them see what you are passionate about.
- Don’t go on about it for more than three minutes.
- Don’t immediately ask what their passion is; let that be something they choose to share.
5. Talk About –Where you wish you could go
Dream talk about adventures and vacations can be good, as long as it isn’t presented as something you absolutely have to do or are planning on – that can put people off if they don’t share the same wish.
6. Talk About –A skill you admire
Mention a skill you really admire, whether you have ever tried it or just admire it.
7. Talk About – What you wish everyone could have
Go beyond peace, happiness and enough to live on and talk from your experience about what is good in life.
8. Talk About – Your dream house
Like talking about where you wish you could go, keep this firmly in fantasy land – have fun with it.
9. Talk About – The ideal weekend
Think potential date when you talk about this and keep it simple and open to another person’s input and ideas.
10. Talk About – The change you want to see happen in the world
The last idea for things to talk about to fill the silent gaps on your first date is to talk about the change you want to see happen in the world.
Much like #7, this is a way to share what you have learned from life, what has made you strong and what you wish for everyone – it isn’t about politics or advocacy.
Exit Plan: How to Leave Her While Staying Classy – the Proper Way to Dump Her!
Every relationship has its ups and downs.
There are always moments when you question if you want to stay, but sometimes you know it is time to leave and move on.
Don’t just dump and go – or worse, just stop showing up and returning calls or messages – that is not only rude, it is mean and immature.
You need to learn how to leave her while staying classy.
The proper way to dump her preserves both of your dignity, your boundaries and will have an impact on your future dating life.
Why would it affect the future?
Face it, when you are dating the stories of the past relationships and how they ended are always going to come out.
While you may not remain friends with all your exes, being able to describe an ending that you took care with to preserve dignity and to show respect to your ex will go far with your new one.
How we leave things says as much about us as how we begin them, sometimes even more.
Make sure you are sure
Before you dump her, make sure this is what you really want to do.
Don’t dump her because you are angry – you will not be angry forever.
Think this decision through because it has to be forever.
While movies are all about second chances, in real life the emotional hurt from being dumped runs too deep for a second chance unless there is a good twenty years in-between the dumping and the trying again.
Understand your responsibility
Your responsibility is to be clear that you do not want to continue the relationship.
You do not have a responsibility to make her OK with this, or to make her feel better about it.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be comforting or kind, but it does mean that there is a limit to the comfort and support you can be expected to offer.
Do it right
In your exit plan, a large part of the classy way to leave her involves dumping her properly – by the right media.
This means in person, or at least by phone.
- Don’t do it by text.
- Don’t do it by email (unless totally necessary)
- Don’t do it on social media
You can dump someone by email if one of two things is true:
- There is distance involved (as in over 3 hours’ drive).
- There is a question of safety (dump the wet hair and crazies by email, yes).
Setting boundaries means dumping someone means you dump someone.
While lots of people talk about ‘staying friends,’ the reality is that you do need a period of time when you are not in contact to allow both of you to put the relationship to rest.
You may very well start up a friendship later, but it will have to come from someplace (and for some reason) that is entirely new.
Social media is where a lot of life happens these days and it is easy to be a little careless with what you post after you dump someone.
Even if you have moved on, be classy.
This isn’t just about protecting her feelings; it’s about showing what kind of man you are.
- Don’t post about how glad you are
- Don’t post about a new relationship if you are still “friends” with your ex online
- Don’t reveal personal information about the relationship
The proper way to dump her includes being respectful of the “grieving period,” even if you are all set.
Believe it or not, a lot of people (and women) will notice and you will get good points for this behavior.
Why Reputation Management Matters: 3 Steps to Handle Your Online Footprint – Because She’ll Google You!
Step 1 – Google Yourself (in several different ways)
The no-brainer is to google yourself before you even go on a date, exchange names or post an online profile site.
What most men forget is that there is more to a Google search than meets the eye.
To make sure you will really know what she is going to see as your online footprint when she will Google you:
- Google yourself and look at the first 5 pages of the web results
- Click on “Images” to see what appears
- Look at video too
Make a list of anything you don’t like, and then start to address it.
Another thing you should do is to run yourself through the local court system to check and see if there are any old reports on you – or someone who has the same name.
Step 2 – If it’s really bad, write to the website to request it is taken down
Depending on where you live you can also contact Google to make sure that they remove anything you consider to be private and don’t want online.
Many websites will take down, or re-tag, images too upon request – it just may take several weeks to get that to happen.
If someone with the same name as you shows up on the court system, make sure that you manage to subtly emphasize the difference to her (such as middle name or birth year).
If they are your own pictures, take them down.
That can help some with a generic search return.
Step 3 – Pump up your positive online footprint
Next, you want to identify the top sites for personal search returns – such as social networking sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn.
Make sure you sign up, or log in, and update the information on the sites.
Even if there is nothing to update, just erase as sentence and retype it, save the information and as far as the rest of the Internet is concerned this new information will be more valuable than older things online and will appear higher in the search engine results.
You can also –
- Post and share photos and documents on Google Drive publically, this will get them higher in Google searches on your name
- Make sure any business site you are on has your name on the page as you can ride their marketing campaign for notice in the results too.
- Get some friends to post some good pictures of you and tag you in the picture. The more pictures are directly tagged with your name the more they will show up.
- Create your own website or blog.
- Create an AdWords campaign
This last one costs a little bit of money but it can really go far in controlling your online footprint and is the best form of reputation management you can do.
Avoiding future problems
Women Google who they date, this is a fact of modern life.
To avoid having to jump around and make sure what they see will be positive you need to be proactive.
Google yourself on a regular basis and take steps to get rid of anything that isn’t good for your reputation online.
You should also make sure you follow these guidelines to keep your online footprint “clean.”
- Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t want your mother or boss to see.
- Don’t “trash talk” online ever
- Don’t repost pictures you wouldn’t leave on your open laptop in a kindergarten class
- Don’t let yourself post when under the influence
- Don’t get involved with trolls or flame wars
The Top 7 Things Women Hate to be Told in Online Dating Messages
It’s easy to ruin your chances with a woman before you even get started by saying the kind of things that women hate to be told in online dating messages.
Here are the top 7 things they hate, so don’t say them.
1 – Women hate to be told they are sexy/beautiful in the first message.
If they have a profile picture posted then they know you are also responding to how they look.
They will also be getting a stream of messages that lead off with the physical.
Make yourself really stand out from the crowd by leading with something that shows you read their profile.
- Wait until the 3rd or 4th message before you mention something about how they look.
- Make sure that there is no “but” statement possible after your comment so it isn’t a back-handed compliment
2 – Don’t tell them they look like a kind or compassionate woman.
Sending this in the first few messages is a huge red flag.
It sends out the signal that you are looking for someone to be your mother.
Kindness and compassion isn’t something that show, it’s something someone does.
3 – Don’t talk about how many women message you
You wouldn’t believe how many men lead off with some comment about how many messages they get but how you are the only woman that appeals to them.
The woman reading this will immediately call “bulls–t” and trash your message.
Be real, and be respectful; don’t play games that seem to pit women against women – it will make you come off as a narcissistic troll.
4 – Women hate to be told that they “sound smart.”
Telling a woman that they “sound smart” is a backhanded compliment.
It implies that you didn’t expect them to be smart, and that you don’t really believe it.
- Don’t tell them, if you think they are smart write messages that respond to that.
- Use good grammar and spelling.
- Don’t make any comments about school or jobs related to how “smart they sound.”
5 – Don’t tell them you aren’t any good at messages
If you are writing then you are doing better than all the other guys who are liking from afar.
No one is ever really good at the first few emails, but by drawing attention to it you are also drawing attention to yourself.
You want to keep more of it on her.
6 – Don’t go on and on about your toys
You may have the bike, the car, the boat and the house; but let those things be something she discovers about you.
She doesn’t want to hear about them in messages on an online dating site because it sounds like they are your crutches.
When someone needs their things to be out in front of them as the first thing a woman gets to know it suggests there isn’t much else there.
7 – They don’t want to hear how your life is so wonderful but you are just missing that special someone.
Saying that is a big red flag.
One of the things that women hate to told in an online dating message is how much you are looking to for someone to complete your life.
Not only is that a huge sign of insecurity and codependency on your part; but it also puts you into the “could become a stalker” category.
Also, by saying your life is perfect – except for having someone to share it with really implies that your life isn’t that wonderful after all and you could be angry or depressed about it.
10 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You!
You can pretty well tell if someone is into you or not, but here are 10 signs she’s just not that into you.
If you recognize them, move on gracefully and keep your integrity and pride in one piece.
Sign #1 – She doesn’t smile
Body language is a huge indicator as to whether or not she is into you.
Some of it is not that complicated, such as smiling.
She is just not that into you if she never smiles when she is with you, or when she first sees you.
Sign #2 – She is always late
People are late to the places they either don’t want to go, or don’t place that highly in their priorities.
It isn’t a cute habit; it’s a really passive aggressive way to say she’s not that into you.
Sign #3 – She keeps checking the time
If she keeps checking the time chances are she doesn’t have much time for you.
You are not registering high on her list of priorities and she is broadcasting this to you.
Sign #4 – She texts or makes phone calls when she is with you
If she is willing to interrupt your own private world with her by talking to the rest of the world, guess what?
She doesn’t want that private world with you.
There is one exception to this sign, which is if she has kids.
Texts and phone calls from them are to be an expected thing no matter what you are doing.
Sign #5 – She shows up with friends
If you have a romantic date with her and she brings along a friend, or if every time you want to get together she suggests a group activity, this is a sign she is just not that into you.
During the first few dates, wanting to play it safe and stay in a crowd is normal – but after the first few dates this is still what is going on than she doesn’t want to be alone with you.
Sign #6 – She is distracted or doing other things when with you
If you show up and she is there working on things, or talking to someone, or seems distracted – and she doesn’t make an effort to wrap things up and focus on you then she isn’t that into you either.
Sign #7 – She cancels every date or call
If she keeps saying “yes” to dates or call times, and there is always a reason why she cancels, then she just isn’t comfortable saying “no.”
She doesn’t know how to cut you free and that is on her, but you need to pick up the signal.
Sign #8 – She blocks you
This one is simple, but a lot of guys miss it.
If she blocks you or unfriends you online, don’t send her a message asking why.
You don’t need to know why. You just need to move on.
Sign #9 – She is always too busy to talk
If every time you manage to get a hold of her – online, in chat, on the phone, or in person – and she has to stop talking quickly because she is too busy then she is not that into you.
She also isn’t capable of direct communication either, and you don’t want to mess with that.
Sign #10 – She doesn’t respond at all
OK, this has to be mentioned because dreams can take a long time to die.
If you keep –
- sending her messages
- leaving her voicemails
- ringing her doorbell
– and there is no response then this is a sign that she is just not that into you.
Move on or you might get accused of stalking.
How to Ask for a Phone Number and Actually Get It!
It can be tricky to know how to ask for a phone number and actually get it.
No matter who is doing the asking, the fear is the same – being turned down.
Then again, that is the worst that can happen and it isn’t really a reflection on you.
If you really want to make sure you get the number, there are some simple steps and tips you can follow to increase your chances.
Step 1 – Make sure you are ready to talk to her
Think about it. Are you clean? Sober? In your right state of mind?
Unless you are absolutely sure you will never see her again, wait until you can make a good impression before you go over to strike up a conversation.
Step 2 – Strike up a conversation
Striking up a conversation with a woman is not as difficult as you think.
If you walk up and are polite, most women respond.
Try to avoid the clichéd opening lines and stick with an honest approach.
A “hey, how are you, my name is Tom and I just couldn’t leave without talking to you for a bit,” goes much further than “As soon as I saw you I knew we would get along.”
There are a few rules to striking up a conversation.
- Always make sure that she isn’t in the middle of something – don’t interrupt.
- Always introduce yourself by name, not nickname.
- Always offer to shake hands.
All of this establishes you as a real and respectful adult.
The shaking hands bit is very important because it breaks the physical barrier gently, but fast.
Step 3 – Get to know her a bit first
She may be your ideal woman in looks, but that doesn’t mean you will like her.
Talk a bit about anything and keep it light.
- Talk about the weather.
- Talk about being nervous coming over.
- Talk about why you came over (but skip the looks appeal – she already knows that).
- Talk about life in general and anything you can see that you may have in common.
Step 4 – Ask for (and get) her number
Now it is time to ask for her number.
Unless you are a superhero, have a way to write it down – or better yet, already have the New Contact screen open in your cellphone.
As soon as she gives you her number, text her right then and there so she has yours.
Don’t just walk away, continue the conversation for a bit and establish when you will call her with a time and date.
What if this is all happening online?
The rules are basically the same online and off.
There is one slight difference with the online world, the woman will prefer if you to offer your phone number first.
Don’t ask directly for hers, let her offer it. She might choose to call you instead.
There are many reasons for this –
- A man who offers his own number isn’t worried about a woman calling where he lives or works (i.e. he is not married or living with someone).
- It shows a willingness to reveal oneself in real life, which goes far in establishing you aren’t an Internet troll.
- It puts the control over first contact in the hands of the woman which increases her safety with online encounters.
Generally, you can ask – if she says you will call, for the courtesy of either a message first before the call so you know to pick up if you don’t answer blocked numbers.
Follow all of this and you can ask for a number and actually get it the first time.
Little White Lies: Should You Consider Lying on an Online Dating Site to Get Ahead of Other Men?
If the whole purpose of an online dating site is to find someone you could build a lasting relationship with based in truth and honesty, why should you consider lying on an online dating site to get ahead of other men?
The reason isn’t that “everyone is doing it,” or that you want to make a better impression.
There are some very valid reasons why telling little white lies on a dating site can be a good choice:
- Little white lies can protect your privacy. You don’t know who is viewing your profile and how stable they are, a small lie here and there can give you added protection about you details.
- Little white lies can allow you to put something forward about yourself that isn’t quite true yet, but is coming close to being true – like saying you have an engineer’ s degree when you are still in your final year.
What is a little white lie?
Before you consider lying on a dating site to get ahead of other men you had better be sure that you know what is considered a little white lie, versus what is a deal breaking whopper.
- A little white lie is a slight boast about something that isn’t really true.
- A whopping lie is a claim about a skill or achievement that does not exist.
- A little white lie can be about how a woman looks that really isn’t your style but you recognize is attractive.
- A whopping lie is saying a woman is attractive to you when she is not.
- A little white lie doesn’t cause harm in any way.
- A whopping lie has the potential to create distrust, disappointment or harm.
What you should never lie about
There things you should never consider lying about on an online dating sight to get ahead of other men because they will be the kind of lies that will make you look untruthful and unreliable (if not delusional).
- Don’t lie about your income.
- Don’t lie about your achievements.
- Don’t lie about your height or weight.
When is it OK to stretch the truth abit?
It is OK to fudge your age a bit.
This is one of the little white lies you can consider telling on an online dating site that may just get you ahead of other men.
If you are 60, but you know you hang out more with men who are 40 – it is safe to shave off a few years (not 20 years though).
It is also OK to say something already is that hasn’t happened yet, but is on its way to becoming a truth.
Things like –
- Saying you have a degree you are a semester or two away from achieving.
- Saying you live in an area that you are preparing to move to.
- Saying you have been somewhere that you already have the tickets for but haven’t taken the trip yet.
The reality check
The best way to make sure that the little white lies you are considering telling on an online dating site are the kind that will really get you ahead of other men is to have a friend read your profile before you post it.
By friend, it should be a female friend who is familiar with who you like to date.
They can serve as your “reality check” to make sure you aren’t fibbing about something that could come back and ruin your chances with a woman later.
If you don’t have a friend like that, use the 2 rule.
If you need to use more than 2 sentences to explain the little white lie, it isn’t that little and you shouldn’t use it.
These 7 Tips Will Help You Get Through Your First Phone Call with Her Easily
So you have been “talking” for a while online and have decided it’s time to talk on the phone.
This is an important step.
While there is a general feeling of intimacy when you are messaging online, a phone call starts to take it one step further into the real world.
This is where you really start to get to know someone.
Intonation can reveal much about meaning and emotion that is missing in online communication.
When you are ready to talk, these 7 tips will help you get through your first phone call with her easily.
Tip #1 – Set a time
This may seem like a no-brainer but setting a definite time is something most men forget to do.
Don’t say “let’s talk tonight,” be specific.
Set a definite time and then be sure that if you are going to be more than 5 minutes late with the call that you message her.
- Don’t call more than 5 minutes early.
- Message if you will be more than 5 minutes late.
- If something comes up, immediately reschedule the call.
Tip #2 – Make sure you are in the right place
Talking on your cell phone while in your car seems like a good idea, just don’t do it.
You really want to treat your first phone call with her like it is a first date.
Make sure you are comfortable, relaxed, but in a place and mood where you can be attentive and focused on her and the conversation.
Tip #3 – Limit the call to 45 minutes
As tempting as it may be to go on and on if you really click on the phone, limit the call to 45 minutes.
Both of you will need time to sit with your conversation.
If you really enjoyed talking, don’t try to talk the night away but keep it short so you can talk again and know you will have plenty to say.
Tip #4 – Know when to get off
This is one of the hardest of the 7 tips to help you get through your first phone call with her easily to learn – and that is knowing when to get off the phone.
There is a difference between a comfortable silence, and a lack of things to say.
This isn’t a bad thing; conversations get easier as you get to know each other.
If she sounds distracted (or if you get distracted), end the phone call graciously and say that you have to go but have enjoyed talking to her.
Tip #5 – Follow up with an email
Before the evening is over, make sure you send an email acknowledging the call.
Be brief, but just say you enjoyed it and will talk again soon.
Even if you said goodnight on the phone, follow up with the email.
Tip #6 – Limit your distractions
This goes along with picking the right place to be when you are on the phone, but you should also limit your distractions as well.
While it may seem like a good idea to use a hands free or speakerphone so you can do things while talking, this is going to take your attention of the phone call and she will be able to tell.
Also, turn off the TV and computer – keep your focus on her.
Tip #7 – Learn to let silence be okay
This last tip will help you get through your first phone call with her easily, and that is to learn that silence is OK on the phone.
Don’t rush to fill the silence, but also don’t let it go on for too long.
Silence can let both of you think and take in what is said. It is a normal part of conversation.
How Self-Criticism Impacts The Way You Write Your Profile – And How To Avoid It!
Self-criticism can be an asset, but when it comes to writing an online dating profile – too much can ruin your chances.
It is one thing to try to be honest and humble; it is another thing to present yourself as not being worth anyone’s time.
You would be surprised at just how many people write profiles that are an argument for why they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Self-criticism impacts the way you write your profile, but you can learn to avoid it easily.
Ways self-criticism about your looks can affect your dating profile
The pictures you choose for your profile are the first place that your self-criticism is going to show up.
One of the best ways to avoid this is to have someone else who knows you select a picture, and then explain to you why they think it is a good representation.
We tend to pick images of ourselves that can reinforce positive or negative beliefs we have about ourselves.
You should pay attention your reaction to the picture your friend selects, it will tell much about your real level of self-criticism.
How self-criticism can change what you write
Self-criticism can cause you to not say or list the things about your life and self that are very positive and attractive.
There is a huge difference between being self-deprecating and humble, and being self-critical.
There is a measure of criticism we have to be capable of in our lives in order to always be improving and growing; but it is easy to carry it too far.
Ways to avoid letting self-criticism impact how you write your profile
There are several ways that you can avoid letting self-criticism impact the way that you write your profile.
This takes a little bit of effort on your part, but the results are well worth it.
Here are the basic steps to take:
- Write your profile.
- Go back and highlight every description of yourself that is included.
- Write down three things that prove every description is real.
- Look at your proof and see which are based in self-critical emotions and which are based in reality.
- Re-write the profile until everything you have said is based in reality.
Reality isn’t what we perceive. It is what others perceive about us.
We may truly think that we are something or act in one way, but if everyone else around you is giving you a different message about how you are – then they are reflecting your reality.
Proof has to be able to exist outside of your thoughts and feelings.
Watch out for self-criticism in reverse
The other way that self-criticism can impact how you write your profile is by showing up in the reverse.
Some profiles are so aggressive in their presentation of why they are an ideal person to date that it becomes very apparent they are very self-critical and are overcompensating for it.
You don’t want to rave about all your strong points and how you don’t need anyone, or know how to be in a “real” relationship.
All of this comes across as a huge red flag that the person is insecure.
The same goes with pictures.
The hyper-sexual or overly posed picture shows that you are trying to distract the person from seeing something else about you that you don’t feel is good enough.
Relax, and realize that there is someone for everyone
A lot of the self-criticism that impacts profiles stems from trying to be appealing to everyone on the dating site.
You can’t be attractive to everyone.
Being honest, humble, but also recognizing your strengths is the sure way to find the right person for you.
How to Get Her to Stop Talking About Her “Ex” In 3 Easy Steps
Living with the ghost of her ex isn’t easy, especially when she keeps bringing him up.
You can’t always tell if she is just venting about and ex, or if they are coming up because she is missing them.
What you do know is that when it happens it immediately makes you start to compare yourself to this ghost, and wonder about your own importance in her life.
You can learn how to get her to stop talking about her “Ex” in 3 easy steps.
The key to the steps is to always –
- Be gentle
- Be curious
- Be firm
You want to make those the rules of your communication.
You won’t get far with being defensive or with laying down ultimatums.
It may take a few weeks to get the “Ex talk” to taper off, but it could be worth it.
If not, it is going to reveal something about the type of person she is that may mean she is not the right one for you.
Step #1 – Be gentle
If she keeps bringing up her Ex in reference to things that the two of you are going to do, don’t assume that she is doing it to compare the two of you.
Ask her gently if her mention of the Ex means that she would rather do something else.
You can also gently prompt her to switch the talk to how she is feeling about the two of you by asking if what she is remembering has anything to do with the present and what is going on between the two of you.
Step #2 – Be curious
Be curious but direct and ask her why she keeps bringing her Ex up.
Say something like, “Gee, you keep bringing him up – it almost feels like there is a third person here; what does that mean with you – is there anything I should be concerned about.
Chances are the easiest way to get her to stop talking about her Ex in 3 easy steps is to make her aware that she is doing it.
A lot of people don’t even realize they are talking that much about them.
Making her aware that she is, without getting defensive or accusing, will help her to check herself before she speaks.
It shouldn’t be a door that is closing, but one that is used appropriately.
Step #3 – Be firm
If she just goes on and one about him, you need to set some boundaries.
Let her know that you know the Ex was a big part of her life, but that the Ex wasn’t a part of yours and you don’t want to spend that much time with someone that isn’t there.
You want to spend time with the person that is.
- Don’t issue an ultimatum.
- Don’t get angry.
- Mention how changing the conversation could help the two of you get closer by spending more time talking about the present.
Another important aspect of getting her to stop talking about her Ex is to check yourself and make sure that you aren’t doing the same.
Very often, people will follow the lead of the other in a relationship when it comes to conversation.
Are you talking about yours too much?
You should also listen to what she is saying about her Ex.
If she is giving away what are very vulnerable details about a person from a prior relationship this could mean that she really isn’t that trustworthy.
Relationships are sacred space.
Like Las Vegas, what happens in one should stay in one and not become fodder for conversation.
7 Must-Know Rules for Men Who Want To Get a “Friend with Benefits”
“Friends with Benefits,” sounds like the ideal solution for the modern age.
You get all the perks of physical intimacy and friendship without the commitment and bother of a relationship.
There are rules to it though, and learning them is a must if you want your FWB arrangement to stay happy and healthy.
Here are the 7 must know rules for men who want to get a “Friend with Benefits.”
Rule #1 – Friendships involve emotions
Friends with benefits are not friends who aren’t emotionally involved.
Just like in a romantic relationship, emotions will be there and they will rise and fall throughout the arrangement.
Rule #2 – Sex can make people feel more about each other
Sex, and everything about, brings out a whole array of hormones including the one that increases feelings of being emotionally bonded to someone.
Don’t mistake this for love.
Rule #3 – You are also the “benefit”
While you hormones may be deepening your illusion of connection, don’t lose sight of the fact that you are just a “benefit” too.
While we usually think of women as the ones that get overly attached, men are quick to assume they are what is needed in someone’s life.
You may just be a perk for someone who enjoys your company but has no interest in a relationship with your too.
Rule #4 – FWB doesn’t mean 24/7
One of the major rules of a friend with benefits relationship is that it doesn’t mean the other person is available 24/7 for sex.
They aren’t there at your beck and call; it has to be a mutual arrangement that very much respects Rule #5.
Rule # 5- Don’t lose sight of the friendship
Friends are supposed to be friends, make sure you don’t lose sight of that and only come knocking when you want sex.
That can really damage a person and you in the end.
Make sure you take care to keep your friendship going.
Rule #6 – FWB arrangements are meant to be temporary
Friends with benefits aren’t meant to be lifelong arrangements.
If you are looking for a long term intimate affair, that is a whole different ball game.
One of the reasons that so many of these arrangements go south is they go on too long.
It can be good for a year or two, but it will get old and you need to move on.
If you both want to continue it, it is time to give it a new name and some new rules.
An intimate affair is a much more connected emotional affair, but it still lacks the formality of a relationship.
Rule #7 – FWB stop when someone gets in a relationship
As soon as one of you gets into a relationship – even just a casual dating one; the benefits have to stop.
At least until you have a chance to talk about everything with everyone.
If you are going to keep the FWBs going, you need to make sure the other person in your relationship is really OK with it.
How do you know who to ask for FWB?
None of these 7 must know rules for men who want to get a “Friends with Benefits” are going to help if you pick the wrong person to ask, or to get involved with.
Here are a few extra tips for getting things going on the right foot.
- Make sure that they are stable and really want this arrangement.
- Make sure they know the rules too.
- Make sure you both agree whether the arrangement will be public or private (this will save you tons of trouble in the future).
7 Questions You Should NEVER Ask Women on a First Date OR on a Dating Site
There are times to ask things, and times not to ask.
When it comes to a first date or the first few messages on a dating site, there are a lot of questions that are off limits.
Here are the top 7 questions you should NEVER ask women on a first date or on a dating site – not if your want a chance of a second date.
Don’t Ask – How come your last relationship didn’t work out?
Probably because she was just as much an ass as you were in yours.
If you don’t want an answer like that, don’t ask such a wrong-minded question.
Leave her past and exes out of the first few encounters.
Don’t Ask – Do you want to settle down?
Everyone wants to settle down eventually – even if they swear they don’t want to now – it’s part of the process of getting older.
This rates as the kind of vapid question that sounds deep, means nothing and is incredibly boring.
Don’t Ask – How do you feel about (sex act)
Don’t talk sex the first time you interact.
It will immediately put you into the category of a troll and get you blocked, online and in real life.
Don’t Ask – Are you good with kids?
Oh no. Never ask this on a first date or during the first few messages on a dating site.
First of all, it sends the message that you aren’t interested in her as a person.
Second of all, it sounds like you are just shopping for a nanny.
Don’t Ask – How much do you like to party?
As soon as a woman hears this she is going to immediately think you have a problem, or that you are ragingly immature.
Even if you are only 18, this is no question to ask the first time you meet a woman anywhere.
Don’t Ask – What do you think of (political topic)?
On the first date – just stay away from politics.
Why would you want to start an argument?
Even if you agree, all it is going to do is get everyone’s defenses up.
Politics don’t matter when you are just meeting.
Don’t Ask – Don’t you want to do something more (exciting, fulfilling, well-paying etc.)?
The underlying message here is that you don’t think they are exciting or living a very worthwhile life.
This is a great way to have a door slammed on your face – the best part is you won’t even understand why it happened.
Phrasing a question in this way is a fine example of a passive aggressive approach to communication.
So what can you ask about instead?
Here are some ideas for questions that will be sure to get her interest –
- What was the best vacation that you ever went on?
- Do you have a show, movie or book that you always return to?
- Who would be your ideal non-romantic roommate/
- Do you think that you will want the same things in life 20 years from now?
- Who is your hero?
- What sport do you wish you could be a pro player at?
The idea behind these questions is they are about discovering more about her, and not about defining her by her past or argumentative issues.
When you are first meeting someone you want to find out more about what they desire and dream of in life – that gives you an idea of where they are going with themselves.
The past comes out, but later once there is a reason for revealing what may be vulnerable details.
Politics are just about the surest way to get moved into the friend zone fast, so stay away from that.
When She Plays Hard-To-Get: 7 Tactics To Help You Get The Girl!
When she plays hard to get, you can get the girl with these 7 tactics.
Tactic #1 – Be persistent, but not annoying
Here are a few examples of each:
- Persistent – Is calling or texting once or twice a day.
- Annoying – calling or texting repeatedly in an hour
- Persistent – showing up where she knows she goes in hopes of seeing her
- Annoying – showing up everywhere she goes to make sure she sees you
As soon as you can, get out of the chat rooms and into real life.
The longer you wait the more distant she will be.
- Go for email first
- Phone second
- Meeting third
Tactic #3 – Call
Call…as soon as you get that phone number…call.
Leave a clear message and say when you will call again to make a date to go out.
Tactic #4 – Call again
Don’t – and this is a popular wrong minded piece of advice flying around right now – don’t wait three days to call.
If you had a great time call when you get home or before noon the next day.
Leave a message saying you had a great time and would like to do it better.
If you wait the “three days” that so many sites recommend, she is going to put up walls and not be hard to get – she will be downright impossible to get near.
Tactic #5 – Have an offer of where to go and what time
A lot of men think a woman is playing hard to get when the woman is waiting for the man to come up with some kind of plan for a date.
They want to see that you can take care of details that show you are interested in her.
She may not be playing hard to get, she may be waiting to see if you can find your way out of your own paper bag. Before you ask her out or offer to meet up –
- Have an offer and not a plan
- Ask her what she would rather do
- Offer to plan half the evening but she plans the other half
The plan doesn’t have to be a “big thing,” but if you see let’s get coffee then know of three different places and know what makes each of them unique so you can offer her a reason to pick one.
Tactic #6 – Let her know you’re interested through body language
Tactic #7 – Use the language of attraction
Too many men talk in terms of “taking” or “having.”
A woman knows that you don’t have her yet and so she is going to make sure you know it.
You can start to change this dynamic and draw her in by changing your language to that of attraction.
Be more inclusive of her, make her feel wanted and seek her out – you will be surprised at how fast she suddenly appears.
- Talk more “you” than “I”
- Listen and ask questions
- Write things down about what she says she is going to do or has planned so you remember to ask about them later (it’s a small cheat but it wins big points)
The Secret to Getting the Girl
The real secret is to not be a doormat and don’t be a jerk.
Women like men who are strong enough to take care of themselves, but that recognize the woman’s value and desire them in their life.
They want to feel wanted and appreciated – valued.
Don’t pull out that “I’ll treat you like a Goddess line” or go Neanderthal – many times if a woman is playing hard to get it’s because she really doesn’t want to waste time on someone who really isn’t interested in her.
If you aren’t interested in her – don’t chase, go find someone who really set you on fire.
7 Tips For A Flawless First Date: Online Dating To Real-Life Dating Tactics Explained!
If you are finally getting ready to meet the person you have been talking to online then you need these 7 tips for a flawless first date.
Online dating to real life dating tactics are easily explained, these 7 tips apply when you are first talking online, and then you have to use them again when you finally meet.
The basic rule of thumb is to put your best foot forward by being presentable, engaging and interesting.
- Remember to listen.
- Remember to laugh.
- Be relaxed and attentive.
- Be willing to let things be said without having to know every last detail.
Don’t try to get all the answers, or to say everything, during the first date.
This is all about getting to know each other, and that should be given all the time it needs.
Tip #1 – Clean yourself up
Not just your hygiene, but your language and humor too.
You don’t have to become prim and proper, but you do have to show that you can be respectful.
That means making an effort to dress for the date and the place that is appropriate.
Watch profanities and off-color remarks; wait to bring that out until you know the person better.
Tip #2 – Be on your best behavior
Being on your best behavior doesn’t mean not being yourself, but it does mean recognizing that there is a lot you don’t know about the person.
You may like the same movies and music, but you may be getting something entirely different out of them.
Mind the humor you use as well, sarcasm has no place if you want a flawless first date.
Tip #3 – Don’t show pictures
This one can be hard, but of all the tips for a flawless first date it is one of the most important of the real life dating tactics explained.
Don’t whip out your cell phone and start showing pictures of your trip, or your dog.
As soon as you do that you have taken one giant step away from the person – stay in the moment and stay with them.
Tip #4 – Ask questions and listen
Ask questions. Not just questions you want to know about that you thought of in advance, but ask questions based on what you have listened to them say.
This is the key tactic to real life dating, by asking questions about what they are saying you are showing your interest – and that you are listening.
Tip #5 – Learn the 3 for 1 rule
If you want a flawless first date then learn this real life dating tactic.
Make sure that you never speak for more than three sentences before asking a question.
As you get more comfortable, you can change that to talking for 3 minutes.
No one on a first date should ever talk more than 3 minutes at a time.
Tip #6 – Pick a place that is neutral
A flawless first date isn’t flawless because it is perfect and impressive, it is flawless because the surroundings disappear and the two of you can concentrate on getting to know each other.
Pick a place that is comfortable, shows effort, but doesn’t have a lot of distractions.
Tip #7 – Don’t talk about exes or family
The last of the 7 tips for a flawless first date is one of the dating tactics that everyone should learn, and extend beyond the first date.
Don’t talk about exes and families.
Family talk is OK just to establish the basics, but you want to keep the focus solidly on the two of you together.
Is It Ever OK to Date a Friend’s Ex You’re Chatting to on an Online Dating Site?
If you are thinking of going on a date with your friend’s Ex that you’ve been chatting with on an online dating site, you have to decide if it is really OK.
Not only do you have to deal with how your friend feels about it, but you should also make sure that the Ex in question knows you are still close to their Ex too.
How does it happen?
Believe it or not, it is easier than you think to run into a friend’s Ex on an online dating site.
Most of the sites are based on geography so there are only a limited number of people available in your area and age range, so you are bound to see each other in your search results.
What happens next is that the two of you already have some knowledge of each other, and that can lead to conversations starting.
Before you know it, you and your friend’s Ex are chatting away on an online dating site.
Do you need to ask permission?
Here is when it gets tricky.
The real question about is it ever OK to date a friend’s Ex you’re chatting to on an online dating site involves whether or not there is an issue of permission.
Why would you need “permission” as an adult to talk to someone?
Because your friendship should have priority over someone new – it wouldn’t matter who it was.
There are some general rules of thumb you can follow about making sure that you have “permission” without doing something as stupid as actually asking for it.
- Let your friend know that you have run into their Ex on the dating site.
- Let your friend know that you have exchanged some messages with them.
- Only ask them if they are OK with that if you are prepared to stop messaging the Ex if your friend isn’t good with the idea.
That last is very important.
Don’t open a door for your friend to draw a boundary if you aren’t prepared to respect it by either ending the friendship or stopping talking to the Ex.
Either way you should always at least mention that you have met them online and have exchanged messages – if, that is, the Ex is still considered an Ex.
When is an Ex no longer an Ex?
You know your friends best, and you will know if the ‘love of their life who ruined them’ that they dated when they were in 9th grade is still a big deal, or whether they aren’t.
Just because your friend dated, or even married and divorced someone, doesn’t mean that you have to cling to the relationship or its demise.
- She isn’t an Ex if they dated for less than 6 months.
- She is definitely an Ex if they were married.
- She isn’t an Ex if they were in a serious relationship that ended 5 years prior from your meeting.
On the last, this can be difficult as it can take some people an awful long time to move on.
After 5 years though, it isn’t about the relationship – it is your friend’s issue and not yours.
What to do if that chat turns into a date?
Trying to decide if it is ever OK to date a friend’s Ex you are chatting with on an online dating site is tricky.
It shouldn’t be a reason not to chat with the Ex, but when you get to the point that the chat is going to move to a real time date, and then it’s time to think all of this through.