Do Men Have Minimum Standard When Using An Online Dating Site?
Putting together an online profile can be fun, or insufferable painful.
One of the things that doesn’t help is the stress of trying to figure out what is going to make you stand out in the crowd.
A lot of women wonder if men have a minimum standard when using an online dating site that helps them to pick and choose from the profiles online.
The surprising truth is that there is a clearly identifiable minimum standard that most men follow.
They may not be aware that they are following it, but when studies track trends on which profiles get the most contacts – and the quality of the contacts they get – a set of standards becomes clearly apparent.
The basic standards men have on a dating site:
Study after study has been done about what attracts men to different profiles and it isn’t the duck face.
Here is a short list of the minimum standard that most men have when using an online dating site.
- Men do want someone who is attractive and confident, but not a narcissist.
- Men stay away from “needy” profiles.
- Men like to read and look at pictures, but they will respond to profiles that have a personality expressed in it.
The basic rules you need to remember about your profile on a dating site:
If you are trying to attract men on a dating site then there are a few things you need to remember.
- Remember this – If you are getting a lot of hits for sex and one night stands, take a good look at what how you are presenting yourself.
- Remember this – If nobody is looking at your profile or messaging, look at your profile pic.
- Remember this – Everyone is trying to sell themselves.
Think about that last one for a long time.
Why do you choose to buy one thing over another?
Or to go see one movie over another?
Usually it’s because it has something that promises to make your life better or more interesting.
Don’t try selling sex, that is the one thing that would be easy to find online – find something that about yourself that will add to someone else’s life that they can’t find anywhere else.
Present yourself with confidence, but don’t come across as not needing anyone either.
How do you become the one to set the standard?
If men have a minimum standard on an online dating site, how do you create a profile that is going to attract men on a dating site?
The simple way is to try and put your best foot forward and realize that you can’t be “the one” for everyone, but that quite a few men are going to be really interested in you.
Make your profile specific and interesting.
Post pictures you are proud of – not that you think make you look sexy.
Confidence is sexy for both genders.
Developing a winning profile
If you want to know the real trick to developing a profile that is going to surpass the minimum standard men have when they are using an online dating site – it’s to join a few sites that you don’t plan on using and try out your profile.
Make sure the site kind of has the type of man women really want on a dating site, but not too close to home.
Create a profile and then see what type of responses you get.
The responses will reveal your strengths and weaknesses so you can create a winning profile and then post it on the site you want to use.
7 Ways to Weed Out the “Sickos” on the Top Online Dating Sites
There are some great people on online dating sites, and there are some real whack jobs too.
Here are 7 ways to weed out the “sickos” on the top online dating sites so you can avoid the wet hair and knife drama.
Weed-whacker # 1 – don’t leave an invitation
Believe it or not, most of the online “sickos” don’t just happen to someone, they are invited in.
Congratulate yourself if any of the following are in your profile:
- Talk about finding yourself
- Mention a previous loss
- Mention any difficult times or struggles
All of these are an invitation to the type of sickos on the top online dating sites that are looking for a “man in need” because they are the ones all the codependent books are written about.
They always need someone to save, whether they need it or not.
If you put any of this in your profile, you have put a bull’s-eye on your chest.
Weed-whacker #2 – Be appropriate with what you share
Don’t share too much intimate or personal detail with someone you don’t know online.
For people who are healthy and sane, this is expected.
What you share should be appropriate to the type of intimacy you have and how old your relationship is in real life.
If you meet someone who really pushes you for details, back away – that’s just not right.
Weed-whacker #3 – Watch for people who overshare
Here is one of the easiest ways to weed out the “sickos” on top online dating sites – count the number of lines in their messages.
You don’t really have to count them exactly, but a visual count is good.
People who are not that stable have a tendency to really overshare and go on and on.
Here are some other writing clues to look for –
- Pages long emails
- Run-on sentences
- People who emphasize things by WRITING IN CAPS
- People who share things you should really keep for people who know you well, or are your therapist
Weed-whacker #4 – Watch for people who talk “connection”
This is big. If someone starts talking about your “connection” or how you seem “meant for each other” it can be a sign you don’t want to go any further.
Other code words to watch out for are:
- Soul mates
- Feeling like they already know you
- Feeling like they knew you before
- You are the only person that “gets” them.
All of these phrases mean the person wants to take shortcuts to a relationship and not get to know you in reality.
They aren’t responding to you, but something in their minds.
Weed-whacker #5 – Watch the amount of contact
Are they in your inbox or texting you all the time? That’s not right.
Especially when you are first getting to know someone you want to give them room to breathe.
If they are always there, that suggests there isn’t much going on in their life.
Weed-whacker #6 – Avoid people who push
If the person is really pushing you online – to meet, to say you love them, to do anything; run.
People who push based on online dating messages to form a relationship really don’t know anything about what relationships are about and are going to push in real time too.
Weed-whacker #7 – Watch people who keep saying you aren’t doing things right
If every time you talk to a person online they are pointing out something you have done that they don’t like or don’t agree with, you may want to reconsider talking to them.
Many of the “sickos” on top dating sites have control issues, and it will show up early.
7 Ways to Know if the Man You’ve Just Met Online is Already in a Relationship
Let’s say that you met a man online and you really like him, but there is just something about the messaging between the two of you that is making you suspect that he may already be in a relationship.
Here are 7 ways to know if the man you’ve just met online is already in a relationship.
Some of them you can spot right away and some will be revealed over the first few weeks of you communicating.
Tell-tale sign #1 – He asks for your number but won’t give his
If things are going well and he wants to talk to you, but doesn’t want to give out his number then this could be a sign that your calling him could cause problems because he is already in a relationship.
Other similar signs are:
- He will only give you his work number.
- He is adamant that you only call during certain times.
- He says “no texts”
Tell-tale sign #2 – All his emails come from his mobile phone
This can be tricky, but when you get to a certain age (like out of your teens), adults tend to have multiple access to the Internet and the main one for dating is usually access from home – on a computer.
If all his emails are coming from his mobile phone he may be in a relationship and sending them on the sly.
How can you tell? It’s simple, most messaging programs add a rider that it was “sent by mobile,” or they even list the carrier name.
Tell-tale sign #3 – There is no mention of meeting – ever
If you have been talking for a while and things are going really well – and he is local, but he never brings up meeting or turns the conversation if you do – he may be in a relationship.
This is the guy who wants to get his thrill online but has no intention (or ability) to follow through with a relationship.
Tell-tale sign #4 – His profile mentions he is discrete/looking for discretion
This is an easy sign to spot that they guy you just met online might be in a relationship.
Any profile that mentions needing someone who is discrete should be suspect.
It is one thing if they are in a position where PDA is not a good idea, but discretion usually implies that everything has to be hidden.
That reason is usually because there is a wife or girlfriend who would get rather upset if they found out you two were talking.
Tell-tale sign #5 – He only wants to talk/message during working hours
You have to pay attention to spot this one.
Sometimes it is obvious and he will say he is only available during those hours; sometimes you have to pay attention to the time stamp on his messages to notice.
If he is living with someone or has a family, he will keep his extracurricular activities to office hours.
Tell-tale sign #6 – He won’t send a picture
No picture and the profile picture has most of the details of his face obscured.
He isn’t so drop dead gorgeous he is worries about “stalkers,” and no business looks down on having a dating profile any more (if the profile is not bizarre) so he is hiding the fact he is online from someone.
Tell-tale sign #7 – He gets your details confused
If he can’t keep your details straight and keeps bringing up someone else’s, the man you just met online may not only be in a relationship – he might also be a player.
The Pros And Cons Of Drinking Alcohol On A First Date With A Guy You Met Online
So now you are going to meet.
After several weeks of talking online, you are off to meet for the first time.
One of the things you have to weight are the pros and cons of drinking alcohol on a first date with a guy you met online.
There are two sides to the debate, and you need to think about it carefully.
One quick tip – if the guy mentions in his profile or messages that he doesn’t drink – guess what?
The decision has been made for you.
He may be in recovery, or allergic, or he may have lost someone to an alcohol related disease and you don’t want to challenge that by drinking anyway.
The Pros of Drinking Alcohol on a First Date with a Guy You Met Online
There are some pros to drinking alcohol on your first date:
- It can help both of you relax.
- It can serve as a conversation starter (when did you first try the drink, what do you like?)
- And it can serve to highlight the taste of your food.
Drinking alcohol on a first date with a guy you met online means having a drink or two, getting hammered on the first date is not recommended at all.
The Cons of Drinking Alcohol on a First Date with a Guy You Met Online
There are a lot of cons when it comes to drinking alcohol on a first date with a guy you met online:
- Your inhibitions will be lowered.
- You may not be presenting your best side to him on a first date.
- You won’t really be tuning into his details.
- There is always the risk of something being put in your drink.
- You might get drunk.
Not to scare you, but there is a lot that can go wrong with this idea.
Why take a nerve racking act like a first date and make it more stressful?
The fact about alcohol is how it will affect you will depend a lot on how stressed you are and whether or not you have eaten; things can happen before you know it on a stressful date.
How do you know what to do?
A lot of the deciding comes down to what you know about yourself and how you handle alcohol.
You also have to pick up what you can determine about how he is about drinking.
A lot of guys don’t mind having drinks on the weekend or at a club, but they may not drink much when out at dinner.
One last consideration – the cost.
Drinking on the first date can really run up the bill and that is not very attractive, even if you go dutch.
Making sure that you stay safe
What the pros and cons of drinking alcohol on a first date with a guy you met online really concerns is how safe you can keep yourself when you have had something to drink.
There is more than just the worry that something might be slipped in your drink, that is a real worry but there are more.
You also want to make sure that stay clear headed enough to read his signals correctly, and to pay attention during your date.
You don’t want to put him off either, a lot of guys don’t like women who appear like they “have to drink” to enjoy themselves.
If you tend to have a glass of wine with dinner – go to a café that doesn’t serve it.
Remember that you will be just as nervous as he is, it’s a first date and you are supposed to be that way.
How To Spot A Player By Looking At His Online Dating Site Profile: 3 Easy Ways To Weed Out The Fakes
There are all sorts of players and fakes online.
Taking a look at the online dating site profile enables you to spot a player easily.
It is pretty easy to weed out the fakes once you know what to look for in a profile.
Remember, a player online may not be the same type of player offline – many don’t ever want to meet but get off on the emotional control and connection of the digital contact and will string you along.
Some of them will want to meet, but will make sure you don’t find out for as long as possible they are involved in another relationships.
1. He is probably a player if he is all about how hot things can get with him.
OK, so maybe you are both looking for a friend’s with benefits relationship, but any man that has a whole profile that goes on and on about how great he is in bed is
- Not interested in meeting
- Interested in meeting with nothing else.
Even if that is your thing, you don’t want to do it with someone who is so obvious because it means he isn’t going to be discrete, and he sure as heck isn’t going to be in the habit of practicing safe sex.
2. He is probably a player if his whole profile is about how he is looking for his soul mate to complete him.
Funny as it seems, this is player talk.
Why is it player talk?
Because thanks to Oprah, “soul mate” is considered to be “chick speak.”
A player trots it out to try and make himself appealing to you.
A real man that is really looking for a long term relationship talks about it differently.
The rule of thumb is that if Julia Roberts has either said it in a movie, or been in a movie with it in the title and it’s on his profile – he’s a player.
3. He is probably a player if he won’t give out his phone number, or gives you very restricted times for messaging.
This one is really more about after you have been talking for a bit, but there are hints about it coming in his profile.
It usually comes with an over emphasis on how private he is, discrete or busy.
If you have been chatting online for a while and feel like it’s time to at least voice verify, if not dare a person to person meeting – the man who won’t give out his phone number (often by saying ‘give me yours and I will call you’) is probably in a relationship where having a woman call would blow his cover.
This is almost as big a tip off as the man who never gives you more than a screen name and won’t send a picture.
Can you player-proof your profile?
While it is important to be able to weed out the fakes, it’s also important to make sure your profile isn’t going to attract them like flies.
Make sure that you don’t do this in a profile –
- Post pictures of you doing duckface with liquor in the picture, this will tell a player you’re a party girl and no one to take seriously.
- Don’t talk about how busy you are, this tells a player it will be easy to play “I’m so busy I can’t meet” when he is really in another relationship.
- Don’t talk about wanting to get to know someone online first before meeting, a player will take that as an open invitation to string you along with no intention of meeting face to face.
Creative Ways To Plan Dates If You’re A Busy Single Mom
If you are a busy single mom, the “mom” comes first, and then “busy.”
The part about you being single somehow always gets left behind.
There are some creative ways to plan dates if you’re a busy single mom that let you get to know someone without having to introduce them to your children too soon.
Look for what is around you
One of the best ideas is to look at what is around you.
You can often combine a short date while your child is being supervised in a sport’s club or other activity.
Don’t bemoan that lack of time for a date.
The first dates should be short.
That lets you get to know each other, and think about what you have gotten to know.
Here are some things to consider.
- What cafés are near your child’s supervised activities?
- Are there places you can meet that are near your work?
- Is there somewhere you could meet near where you do your errands?
- Reconsider the grocery store as a date venue
The last may seem the strangest but a single mom spends a large portion of her “hands-free” time in a grocery store.
In the 90s, many groups ran actual singles shopping nights.
It lets two people get to know each other, while doing something purposeful.
It also takes the stress out of finding time in your schedule for a first date too.
Create a Single Moms’ Club
Tyler Perry made a movie about it because it is a good idea.
If you are a single mom, chances are most of the other women you are encountering are single moms too.
Form a small group that can help with making dates happen by alternating who baby sits so that you can have a night free.
It doesn’t have to be “just like the movie,” what you are doing is building a network of women you know that you can make arrangements with to swap babysitting nights with, as well as combining efforts to help out with other things.
Go for lunches and not dinners
One way you can get very creative is to give up the idea of the night time date.
Face it, since your kids are in school during the day, the closer you can make your dates to those times the easier it will be for you.
There are many things you can do that are out of the standard date box –
- Go for dinner and not lunch (it’s cheaper too!)
- Go to a park or zoo, you will be surprised at how quiet it is and how wonderful it is to be out in the sun
- Go to a matinee
You can usually create the time in your schedule by shifting an hour or two later in the week so you can take more time off during the day every so often.
Make sure you have 2 nights a month that are all yours
Above all, you should try to do everything you can to make sure that you have 2 nights a month that are all yours.
Whether it means planning some sleepovers or making sure you have a babysitter – make sure it happens.
Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean you have to wait until your child is old enough to stay alone to go out on a date.
There are many creative ways to plan dates if you’re a single mom that will make sure that you stay out and about to have a chance to meet someone wonderful and new.
9 Safety Tips For Women Who Consider Online Dating
One of the very real realities of online dating is that it can be dangerous.
Here are 9 safety tips for women who consider online dating that will help to keep you safe.
Safety Tip #1 – Don’t give out your address
Nobody needs to know where you live.
You can be very vague about it – city and state are fine.
If he pushes, that is a reason to pause.
Safety Tip #2 – Don’t give out your real phone
There are tons of options via apps and email services that will get you a free phone number you can use instead of your own.
This will help to preserve your privacy and keep him from sending unwanted texts if things go south.
Safety Tip #3 – Keep it to a short nickname
Don’t give out your last name, and it is a good idea to use a nickname – or just stay with your profile name until you feel more confident.
There is too much that can be found out about someone based on a name and a city.
Safety Tip #4 – Don’t give out too many details
Avoid mentioning what street you live on, what kind of car you drive and where you like to go in your free time.
Until you have a history with someone and have met them offline, no one needs that information.
It will help to keep you safe to keep it private.
Safety Tip #5 – Remember that we “read” our own emotions in other people’s messages
You may feel like your heart swells and this is the one for you whenever you read his messages but remember this, unless you have an established real time relationship and experience with the man – you don’t know how to interpret the emotions in what he rights.
Everything you are “reading between the lines” is actually you projecting your emotions into it.
Safety Tip #6 – Don’t send compromising pictures
Don’t do this. In this day and age, even if you have been married for 50,000 years to the same man don’t even send him one.
Pictures sent online or on a phone are not private by any means.
Safety Tip #7 – If you block, mean it
If anything sends that red flag running up a pole and you decide to block someone on an online dating site – don’t give in to talking to them again if they approach you from another profile name.
That is a serious bad sign if a man doesn’t respect the block and is willing to lie to get another profile and then try and come at you this way.
Safety Tip #8 – Don’t explain yourself
Here is a big one.
Don’t let a man put you in a position online of having to explain or justify your actions – whether those actions involve something you have told him about in your past – or your decision not to talk to him anymore.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life – ever.
If a man online, who you don’t know, pushes you to explain or justify yourself you just don’t want anything else to do with them.
Safety Tip #9 – Always the Safety 3 rules for meeting
There are three rules for meeting someone in person that you need to always follow.
- Meet in a public place.
- Let someone know where you are going and who you are meeting. Give them all of his contact information.
- Have someone call you at a set time to check in on you. If things are going great, good. If they aren’t, you can pretend you have to leave for an emergency and get out.
Sexting Rules: The Do’s And Don’ts of Sexting with Someone You Meet Online
Sexting is becoming more of the norm these days, often with people you meet online but don’t know in person.
So how do you do it?
And how do you do it so neither of you winds up getting into some kind of trouble?
There are sexting rules that will show you the do’s and don’ts of sexting with someone you meet online that will work to make sure you have a hot time, but don’t get into hot water.
The first thing you should know
Sexting happens all the time, and across all age groups.
The way people used to have phone sex or send racy emails they know sext.
It is also becoming more and more common between people who don’t even know each other.
You can thank sites like Chat Roulette for opening up the door to encounters like this.
Sexting takes it all a step closer to reality though – as you are usually going to be using your personal mobile phone.
Keeping it safe without taking out the thrill
Here are a few of the basic sexting rules you should follow that will help you enjoy your electronic encounter with someone you only know from online –
- Do – make sure that you come up with nicknames for each other. You always want to avoid using real names, or any other identifying words just to be on the safe side.
- Don’t – send any pictures that include your face or identifying tattoos or elements either. You want to make sure that if anyone else sees the pictures by accident that they can’t tell who you are, or where you are in the picture.
- Do– make sure that you use emoticons to show when you are being serious, making a joke or teasing. You may make fun of the little smiley faces, and they may be inappropriate in professional communications but they are necessary when sexting so your partner really knows what you mean. It will go miles to preventing miscommunication.
- Don’t – save any texts or pics from your sexting.
- Don’t – assume that an app that promises to wipe away pics and text from your sexting is doing that. Too many phones, and too many apps, have backdoors that can be exploited.
- Do – come up with a phrase or code word between you and your partner that lets you each know when you have to stop texting.
- Don’t – get involved with sexting people you do not know, or who haven’t directly agreed to it in the first place. Just don’t, and you will avoid a world of potential trouble.
The Ultimate Sexting Rule
If you really want to make sure that you can have a hot time, and not get into trouble then you want to skip the cell phone and use IM or chat messaging for all of your contacts.
This helps to keep the person once removed from your real life, and lessens the risk of your hobby being discovered.
What about sexting rules between two people who meet online and will never meet in person?
The same rules of sexting apply as are listed above, but there is one more that should be thrown in.
When you sext with a stranger it is easy to build an image and impression of them that isn’t based in reality – it’s based in what you (or the other person) want to be real.
Don’t ever think you are making a “real connection” if all you have is sexting.
If you think there is more there, put the work into it to find out.
To Friend or Not to Friend: Facebook Etiquette Explained for Newly Formed Relationships
Facebook is an integral part of many of our lives, and that can make it a minefield when it comes to deciding whether to friend or not friend the person you are in a newly formed relationship with on the network.
One the one hand they make it so easy to check and connect that relationship status update; on the other, being connected on Facebook has led to many tales of woe in a relationship.
Here is a guideline to the Facebook etiquette explained for newly formed relationships.
What can go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong with being friends with the person you are seeing on Facebook?
For many people, Facebook is now blending the personal and professional.
Even if you have your settings on private, nothing you post online is ever really private at all.
In a newly formed relationship there is also the issue that not only are you still getting to know each other, but you are also getting to know who is in your life as well.
Facebook allows for a lot of assumptions to be made about your other relationships that can cause problems.
The other issue is trying to keep your private things private.
Sometimes people don’t behave well on Facebook and a message or shared post between the two of you could invite comments that are less than kind, or downright troublesome.
It can be like sitting in the dunking both and paying people to throw balls at the bull’s-eye, which is never a good idea when your relationship is newly formed.
What can go right?
There is a lot that can go right when you are on Facebook together as friends.
- It can provide a way to keep each other up to date quickly so that your face to face time is spend less reciting your day and more focus on getting to know each other.
- It can let you share things such as videos and music that also let you know each other better.
- It can be a way for someone to get to know other people in your life (or at least who they are and what they look like) when those people don’t live nearby.
The Facebook etiquette for newly formed relationships is based on the fact that it can be a way to get to know each other better as long as you remember the 3 golden rules:
- Ask, rather than assume.
- Don’t comment or like the other’s post unless it really has meaning to you.
- Make sure your posts to the other person are OK for the rest of your friends to see.
What it means to be on social media together?
To be on social media together is kind of like what it used to be to go together for the first time to a friend’s party.
It is the introduction of the “us” and “we” to your social and professional network.
That said, Facebook remains a very individual thing.
Your profile is about you.
Learning to be identified as a couple together without losing your individual identity is one of the things that Facebook can help strengthen in a newly formed relationship.
Managing the inevitable Facebook stalking you both will do
The ground rules –
- Stalk away, if you are prepared for the consequences
- Respond to public posts, but don’t grill him about his friends
- Don’t assume every one he talks with online he knows or is interested in
The basic etiquette about friending or choosing not to friend on Facebook in a newly formed relationship is that it should be done with care.
Don’t do it until you are ready for everything that could go wrong or right in the relationship in a public forum.
Guaranteed Way to Fail: Why You Should NEVER Treat Your Online Dating Experience Like a Job Interview
If you really want to fail at online dating then you should treat it like you are applying for a job by using your profile to:
- List the qualifications you have for a relationship
- List the qualifications you are looking for in a person to have a relationship with.
You are guaranteed to fail if you do this.
You should never treat your online dating experience like a job interview in either your profile or your messages with a person who interests you.
A job interview approach implies that you have a role to fill and the person is not that important
When you start sounding like you are trying to prove you are qualified for a relationship, or that you have a list of qualifications you want in someone it comes off as you having a role that you want filled.
Roles, like jobs, are more defined and important than the person in them.
That is one of the harsh truths of life. In any company you work at, the job/role will continue to exist long after you are gone because it is more important than the specific person that is in it at any given time.
In relationships, each person is indispensable because every relationship between two people is unique.
If you are trying to repeat or create something specific, you really aren’t interested in a relationship with another person.
A dating profile is not a list of qualifications for the relationship
A dating profile is a presentation of who you are as a person, and where you would like to go.
It isn’t meant to be a list of qualifications and accomplishments – even of the emotional kind.
Think of it more as a self-portrait that is painted with words.
You are trying to convey an idea of your being, not your specific points.
Yes, you should list some accomplishments – but those are just moments in life that don’t really show you all the dimensions behind the person who achieved that moment.
Dating messages aren’t meant to investigate the person
One thing to watch out for is asking questions in your messages about something that someone has said on their profile that makes it sound like you are trying to find out if it is true.
An oversimplified example of this is saying, “gee, I noticed that you listed an interest in global economic of health care – how would you distribute Ebola monies?”
That is an interview question, it asks a person to demonstrate knowledge and expertise.
That is great if you want to hire a healthcare director, not so good if you are trying to find out if the person you are talking to would be greet to meet.
How to succeed with your online dating experience
While it may be a guaranteed way to fail if you treat your online dating experience like a job interview, it is also the clue to how to succeed.
If you know it is what you should never do, then you should turn it around to learn what you should do:
- Keep it focused on the person, and that includes both of you.
- Ask about likes and hopes, less about wants and haves
- Remember the past is in the past, talk to the present
The one thing missing from most “job interviews” is laughter.
Keep things light and steer the conversation back to the present as quickly as you can as soon as you sense one of you is presenting a list of qualifications.
I’m Newly divorced: Do You Have Any Tips For Me When It Comes To Using Online Dating Sites?
If you are newly divorced you are faced with getting back into the dating game, and that can be a difficult thing.
The best tip when it comes to using online dating sites is to follow some basic common sense –
- Don’t reveal too much information.
- Don’t give money.
- Don’t give out your phone number if you don’t feel comfortable.
- Don’t reply if you don’t want to
There are numerous guides on the Internet that can fill you in on the basic dos and don’ts of online dating, but if you are newly divorced you will need some tips for when it comes to using online dating sites because your profile will be a little different.
You don’t want to hide the divorce, but you also don’t want to make it your identifying information.
Tip #1 – Mention the divorce in the profile, not the headline
OK – so maybe the divorce was rough but don’t use a headline that says “Free at last!” or that in any way mentions your divorce.
Even the use of the description, “newly single,” is something you should avoid.
Stick with that you are single, and it is up to you if you want to mention that you recently divorced in the profile.
It can be a good idea to mention it, but maybe not the time frame of it.
Some people aren’t familiar with how long it takes to get a legal divorce and will avoid you thinking you are looking for a rebound.
Tip #2 – Don’t use pictures from your marriage years
Get recent pictures of you that don’t include anything from your marriage years.
Look up what makes a great profile picture and follow their lead.
Profile pictures are successful that –
- Allow the viewer to see your full body
- Don’t have pets, friends or family in the image.
- Are recent.
Tip #3 – Don’t talk about your Ex until the 6th message/date
You can mention that you are divorced early on, but no discussions about your Ex until you have had at least 6 dates, or 6 meaningful conversations.
Even then, speak only of your Ex respectfully – no matter what they are like.
How you handle how you speak of your Ex is going to show your character.
You can save any stories about your marriage that reveal more for when you have a relationship established with a new person.
Tip #4 – Be careful you aren’t looking at profiles that look like your Ex
Check yourself that you aren’t looking at profiles of people who look like your Ex.
This happens more frequently than you think, whether you like your Ex or not.
There is difference between having a type that attracts you, and looking at people who remind you of your Ex.
The rule of thumb is to just ask yourself what it is about their picture that attracts you – and to listen to what your answer is.
Tip #5 – Expect people to understand the rollercoaster your on
This tip for the newly divorced that are just starting to use online dating sites may surprise you.
While no one really likes the status of being divorced – no matter how much you wanted the marriage to end – it isn’t anything to hide or be embarrassed about.
More people than you expect will understand what you have been through.
The way you handle talking about your Ex and the divorce will be a litmus test for you about the person, and for the person about you.
Give it the due it deserves, but then keep the focus on your new life.
Three Essential Ingredients for “Sparks to Fly” In Online Dating
Ingredient #1 -A profile that says something
There is a lot out now about profiles being meaningful and really “saying something,” but what does that look like?
Here are a few examples that will show you the difference between thinking you have said something about yourself, and really doing it.
- “I value compassion, kindness and accountability” Who doesn’t? The real question is whether or not you do anything that counts as all of those. Give examples of the types of acts you admire, and a few things that you have done. Admit to things you wish you had the guts to do and that you admire in others.
- “I believe that true commitment is made over time.” Well, ok. So what does the beginning of that time look like and what type of commitment are you talking about? Remember, for sparks to fly in online dating you need to get the dating going first. It is a good idea to send out a signal of where you want to go and what could be possible – but don’t spend too much time on it.
Ingredient #2 – Good and recent pictures
The profile picture can make or break online dating.
Sparks fly in online dating when there is also a physical attraction – does this mean you should be flexing your bicep or making a duck face with the camera angled down your cleavage?
Studies have shown that the following elements make/break a picture on a dating site.
- Men that are smiling in a picture are perceived as less trustworthy.
- Women that show their breasts, cleavage or make a duck face are not taken seriously as dating material.
- Pictures of both genders that show their full body are better received than close-ups.
- Pictures of any gender with others of any genders are big turn offs.
- Pictures with pets – no.
- Pictures with kids – big no-no. This doesn’t show a loving parent, this is taken as showing someone using their kids to get a date.
Ingredient #3 – Simple communication that grows
This one is the hardest for most people to master.
The ebb and flow of conversation and messaging when you are first meeting online is what really determines whether or not sparks will fly in online dating.
The two biggest mistakes people make are:
- Revealing too much too soon.
- Constantly messaging the person when they are online.
You have to make sure that the details you reveal about your life are in keeping with how well you know the person.
If you have just started exchanging messages now is not the time to send them a 4 page email about your miserable childhood, battle with cancer, and the recent death of your dog.
You want to keep the content of your messages appropriate to the intimacy you have – this can be difficult because online intimacy can come fast, but it may not be grounded enough to handle real life revelations.
You also want to avoid bombarding someone, or coming across as stalking them.
Make sure there is a balance between who contact who first when online.
How to make sure the sparks keep flying in online dating
Once sparks start flying in online dating, the next task is to keep the fire burning.
In order to do this you have to find a way to move the relationship forward.
It doesn’t have to mean that you meet in real life, just that you add a new dimension to your online relationship.
Consider a video call, or sharing an online game, or anything that increases the amount of time you spend together but also allows you to share an activity.