Every relationship has its ups and downs.
There are always moments when you question if you want to stay, but sometimes you know it is time to leave and move on. Don’t just dump and go – or worse, just stop showing up and returning calls or messages – that is not only rude, it is mean and immature. You need to learn how to leave her while staying classy. The proper way to dump her preserves both of your dignity, your boundaries and will have an impact on your future dating life.
1. Why would it affect the future?
Face it, when you are dating the stories of the past relationships and how they ended are always going to come out. While you may not remain friends with all your exes, being able to describe an ending that you took care with to preserve dignity and to show respect to your ex will go far with your new one. How we leave things says as much about us as how we begin them, sometimes even more.
2. Make sure you are sure
Before you dump her, make sure this is what you really want to do. Don’t dump her because you are angry – you will not be angry forever. Think this decision through because it has to be forever. While movies are all about second chances, in real life the emotional hurt from being dumped runs too deep for a second chance unless there is a good twenty years in-between the dumping and the trying again.
3. Understand your responsibility
Your responsibility is to be clear that you do not want to continue the relationship. You do not have a responsibility to make her OK with this, or to make her feel better about it. That doesn’t mean you can’t be comforting or kind, but it does mean that there is a limit to the comfort and support you can be expected to offer.
4. Do it right
In your exit plan, a large part of the classy way to leave her involves dumping her properly – by the right media.
This means in person, or at least by phone.
- Don’t do it by text.
- Don’t do it by email (unless totally necessary)
- Don’t do it on social media
You can dump someone by email if one of two things is true:
- There is distance involved (as in over 3 hours’ drive).
- There is a question of safety (dump the wet hair and crazies by email, yes).
5. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries means dumping someone means you dump someone. While lots of people talk about ‘staying friends,’ the reality is that you do need a period of time when you are not in contact to allow both of you to put the relationship to rest. You may very well start up a friendship later, but it will have to come from someplace (and for some reason) that is entirely new.
6. Mind your social media
Social media is where a lot of life happens these days and it is easy to be a little careless with what you post after you dump someone. Even if you have moved on, be classy. This isn’t just about protecting her feelings; it’s about showing what kind of man you are.
- Don’t post about how glad you are
- Don’t post about a new relationship if you are still “friends” with your ex online
- Don’t reveal personal information about the relationship
The proper way to dump her includes being respectful of the “grieving period,” even if you are all set. Believe it or not, a lot of people (and women) will notice and you will get good points for this behavior.